21 Types of Potentially Negative Friends
(from WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS by Jan Yager, Ph.D.
NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.: Fireside Books July 2002/$13.00)

There is no crystal ball to predict that a particular friend will turn out to be a reliable, positive relationship in your life or, by contrast, that a negative association will cause you emotional distress, or worse. Since destructive or negative friends are not always that easy to spot, WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS may help you to reevaluate your current friends, as well as to reassess past or potential friendships.

  1. The Promise Breaker Constantly disappoints you or breaks promises
  2. The Taker Borrows and fails to return something precious or valuable to you.
  3. The Double-Crosser Betrays you big time
  4. The Risk Taker Puts you in harm's way because of illegal or dangerous behavior
  5. The Self-Absorbed Never has time to listen to you
  6. The Cheat Lies, or steals your romantic partner
  7. The Discloser Betrays your confidence
  8. The Competitor Excessively combative with you and wants what you have relationships, job, possessions
  9. The One-Upper Always one up on you
  10. The Rival Wants whatever you have and may try to take it from you
  11. The Faultfinder Overly critical
  12. The Downer Always negative, critical, and sad, and makes you feel that way too.
  13. The Rejecter Dislikes you and lets you know it
  14. The Abuser Verbally, physically, or sexually abuses you
  15. The Loner Would rather be alone than with a friend
  16. The Blood Sucker Overly dependent
  17. The Therapist Needs to analyze everything and give you advice
  18. The Interloper Overly involved in your life
  19. The Copy Cat Imitates you
  20. The Controller Needs to dominate you or the friendship
  21. The Caretaker Needs to be a friend's keeper, mother or nursemaid, rather than an equal.

Recognizing what might be causing these behaviors and learning how to cope with them may give you peace of mind. But there is always the question of degree. You may recognize some of the 21 traits in yourself or in a friend, but the occurrence may be so rare or so minute that it does not pose a problem... In chapter 2, you will also find a profile of the "ideal" friend, followed by a self-quiz to help you deal with negative friendships and a checklist of factors that distinguish positive from negative friendships.

From Chapter 2, "Detecting Harmful People Before They're Friends: 21 Types of Potentially Negative Friends" in WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS by Jan Yager, Ph.D. Copyright � 2002 by Jan Yager, Ph.D. Reprinted by permission of Fireside Books/Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

To read Chapter 2 and the entire book, When Friendship Hurts, buy the book, available through local or online booksellers, or borrow a copy from your local public or college library. (Put in a request for the book if it's not yet available at your local public, special interest, corporate, or college library.)

About the author
About the book including reviews
Table of contents
Free excerpt
Buy the book
21 types of negative friends
Reading Group Guide
Featured links
Author's websites
Upcoming interviews or events
Contact Jan Yager
Online media kit
Foreign Rights
Book Dr. Yager to speak
Recommend this site to a friend!

When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal with Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You
Home Page | About the author | About the book including reviews | Table of contents
Free excerpt | Buy the book | 21 types of negative friends | Reading Group Guide
Featured links | Author's websites | Upcoming interviews or events | Contact Jan Yager
Online media kit | Foreign rights