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21 Types of Potentially Negative Friends
(from WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS by Jan Yager, Ph.D.
NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.: Fireside Books July 2002/$13.00)
There is no crystal ball to predict that a particular friend will turn out to be
a reliable, positive relationship in your life or, by contrast, that a negative
association will cause you emotional distress, or worse. Since destructive or
negative friends are not always that easy to spot, WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS may help you
to reevaluate your current friends, as well as to reassess past or potential
friendships.
- The Promise Breaker Constantly disappoints you or breaks promises
- The Taker Borrows and fails to return something precious or valuable to you.
- The Double-Crosser Betrays you big time
- The Risk Taker Puts you in harm's way because of illegal or dangerous behavior
- The Self-Absorbed Never has time to listen to you
- The Cheat Lies, or steals your romantic partner
- The Discloser Betrays your confidence
- The Competitor Excessively combative with you and wants what you have relationships,
job, possessions
- The One-Upper Always one up on you
- The Rival Wants whatever you have and may try to take it from you
- The Faultfinder Overly critical
- The Downer Always negative, critical, and sad, and makes you feel that way too.
- The Rejecter Dislikes you and lets you know it
- The Abuser Verbally, physically, or sexually abuses you
- The Loner Would rather be alone than with a friend
- The Blood Sucker Overly dependent
- The Therapist Needs to analyze everything and give you advice
- The Interloper Overly involved in your life
- The Copy Cat Imitates you
- The Controller Needs to dominate you or the friendship
- The Caretaker Needs to be a friend's keeper, mother or nursemaid, rather
than an equal.
Recognizing what might be causing these behaviors and learning how to cope with them
may give you peace of mind. But there is always the question of degree. You may
recognize some of the 21 traits in yourself or in a friend, but the occurrence may
be so rare or so minute that it does not pose a problem... In chapter 2, you will also
find a profile of the "ideal" friend, followed by a self-quiz to help you deal with
negative friendships and a checklist of factors that distinguish positive from negative
friendships.
From Chapter 2, "Detecting Harmful People Before They're Friends: 21 Types of
Potentially Negative Friends" in WHEN FRIENDSHIP HURTS by Jan Yager, Ph.D. Copyright
� 2002 by Jan Yager, Ph.D. Reprinted by permission of Fireside Books/Simon & Schuster,
Inc. All rights reserved.
To read Chapter 2 and the entire book, When Friendship Hurts,
buy the book, available
through local or online booksellers, or borrow a copy from your local public or
college library. (Put in a request for the book if it's not yet available at your
local public, special interest, corporate, or college library.)
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